October 24, 2025 | 12:24pm
MANILA, Philippines — Many will be familiar with Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — as the template for dealing with a loss.
However, according to Jon Edward B. Jurilla, a doctor from MakatiMed’s Department of Psychiatry, one doesn’t necessarily have to strictly follow that order when grieving.
“It’s perfectly all right to skip some, re-experience others, or feel things not mentioned by Dr. Ross, like shock or guilt,” said Dr. Jurilla. “Grief is a very personal experience. No two people grieve alike.”
Emotions can be in a disarray when grieving, ranging from quiet sadness to intense ugly cries that leave one in pieces. Even loved ones have differing opinions on how long a person should grieve.
Dr. Jurilla described grief as a natural, human response that can both be physically and emotionally gut-wrenching, “Losing a spouse, parent, or child can feel like losing a part of you, because in reality, they were.”
The doctor first advises that to heal, one must acknowledge their feelings.
“Don’t suppress them or judge yourself for crying or screaming,” said Dr. Jurilla. “Allow yourself to express sadness, anger, regret, and whatever feelings that come up.”
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It helps to talk or discuss one’s grief with a close family member, a trusted confidant, a spiritual adviser, or a trained professional, as thoughts out loud can be cathartic.
The doctor said being around people who care or even individuals experiencing their own grief can give comfort.
If speaking the words won’t work, writing them down can also help or going for a walk, as the doctor says quiet time offers clarity.
“Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Make sure you eat and get enough sleep. Allow others to look out for you too,” Dr. Jurilla advised. “If someone offers to take you out to lunch, buy you groceries, or drive you where you need to go, graciously accept.”
Dr. Jurilla also suggests keeping a token of the lost loved one which can be a picture on the phone or wallet and wearing clothes or jewellery that belonged to them, just to soften the blow of loss.
Doing so is a way to remember the person, as well as recalling happy memories, funny anecdotes, and quirks that made the person be so loved.
“Eventually, as time passes and your sadness slowly gives way to a calm acceptance, that doesn’t mean you love the person or thing you lost any less,” ended Dr. Jurilla. “It simply means that they live on in your memories and in your heart.”
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